" NO MORE!!"

Is what I so generously stated to the big bottle of Keppra lingering in my cabinet. And yes I ever so hastily threw it into the trash can.

One year ago yesterday I made a decision along with the help of Michelle's pediatrician. I was always against Michelle being medicated. In my gut I knew Michelle's epielpsy was linked to her Hydrocephalus and her shunt (well now shunts).

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed for an answer. I needed to know if taking the medicine away would help. I needed that feeling of no longer having a lost feeling bout me everytime I dosed out her twice daily medication.

In all honesty I wanted to "see" Michelle. We had never seen her. Never talked to her. Never played with her. In the sense that she was ALWAYS medicated. Whether it had been a Narcotic, Tylenol (whichs makes her loopy), or some other random med she had never gotten to be Michelle.

For one year I have been able to embrace Michelle. One full year. No medication except for what was necessary.

The best part. NO SEIZURES!! Not even with the infection. Or the 3 shunt issues. I am glad that my prayers were answered and I did what I did. I know that I would have known right away if I was doing the wrong thing. She changed so much. She talks more, spends more time awake, is more active. She no longer has that "drunk, hung over" look to her.

Shawn like's to say "She's my Michelle and I am not sharing" then Michelle promptly tells her daddy "Mommy is my favorite" and generally reaches for me if I am withing eyesight. For this I am grateful.

Siblings

I am grateful that I have siblings. Sometimes we don't see eye to eye. Sometimes we forget to call each other. And sometimes we just flat out miss each other more than the other!

Today is a special day. It's my big brothers birthday and I am missing him entirely too much. Im beginning to think it is time for a road trip to Arizona for me. Although it's not that far away 6 hours in a car with 4 kids and a dog is appealing it's not at the same time.

I get car sick. Big fact. Just ask my parents about the 45 minute drive from Baldwin Park back down to Oceanside. I don't do well unless I am driving and I don't like driving at night and day time traffic is hard enough that I just stay home. Flying is out of the option because I am what they call a "white knuckle flyer". I grip that seat like it's my life.

So I guess what I am saying is Nick and Tiff it's time for a road trip to Cali. Besides Tiffy you like the beach right???!!

Happy birthday big brother! Im glad your my brother, I don't think I could have it any other way!

Can I just say...

Im pouting..

I definetly want to go see New Moon.

I just don't want to hear "Look at Edward". 

I need to find the patience to wait.

Tag im it!

I have to say Thank You to Sara for tagging me as a Theta mom.(True Authentic Mom)




Wow, I have never really considered myself an Authentic Mom, I just considered myself doing what any loving mother would do for their child, whether they are "normal" or have daily special needs, you fight for the best and what is right.

Before I was a mom I was a Senior in high school doing what Senior's do best. Learning, growing and teaching along the way. I myself was talking to a recruiter to become a Marine. It was my dream at the time. What I felt was right and necessary. Then I got news from a doctor that I was pregnant with my oldest James. It was then that I "knew" what every "mom" knows.
 
Then came Shawn Jr, then Michelle, then Abigail. Each one of them leaving their beautiful mark. Each one of my children is a blessing. I fight day in and day out to make sure they have what they need and most of what they want.
 
Michelle changed me. She changed how I saw the world. How I felt about life. She changed what mattered most. It was no longer a materialistic nature for our family as it was a what mattered most to us. We all changed, me more then others.
 
I have endured coutless sleepless nights, I have been peed on, pooped on, thrown up on, bled on you name it it has happened. I recieve praise from about everyone who meets me that I do an awesome job.
 
Being married to a Marine also changed alot. For the most part  I am a single parent with 4 kids. Two of them having medical issues. I juggle therapy, school's, doctors appointments and even those dreaded hospital trips. There have been coutless times where I thought the most heart wrenching thing was to watch them wheel away Michelle through those big white doors into a room that I knew would scare her beyond all belief. But them she would come out and my fears would be diluted until she told us something hurt.
 
Then that would become the most heart wrenching thing at that moment. Things change. Life changes. "Mom's" change. What makes me a Theta mom is I have learned. Things that most don't. I know when to walk away, I know that a little kiss and a hug can turn that frown upside down.
 
Today for example: I had a headache this morning and Shawn is at work so it's me and the kids. The boys wanted a snack and I asked James if he could reach what he wanted and if not I would be right there. He could but there was only one cereal bar left in the box and both of them wanted one. I knew I had more so I got up and went to the kitchen and got another box down. Shawn was in tears thinking he wasn't going to get one. I gave him a quick hug and a kiss and promptly handed him what he wanted and his smile returned.
 
That's what I get out of bed everyday for. I never thought that this could feel as good as it does.

I guess my tag is going to have to be Mrs. Mallory Willyerd!

Grateful

I have been sitting here for most of the day thinking about what I am most grateful for. I think im going to take my Thanksgiving post over a few days. So that I may elaborate further.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. There are no words to explain the joy I felt in handing Abigail to her daddy to meet him for the first time. For this I am grateful.

Christmas tree

I love Christmas. It's no secret. My husband however wishes the holiday would disappear into thin air. Me on the other hand would love to celebrate the joy all year long..

I think it's starting to rub off on my kids..

I have this friend...

She takes some awesome pictures... I met her when Shawn was stationed in Washington...

She worked at a portrait studio there and did my boys pictures when Michelle was still in the NICU.

I fell in love...

And I hope you like them...

Because I absolutely do...

Happy Veteran's Day

Happy Veteran's Day to all of our Veteran's. Past, present and future. You truely make a difference. Thank you for my freedom. Thank you for your sacrifice.

I pray that all military personel are able to return home safe and sound to all of their loved ones.

I am grateful for my husband and all that he does and has done.

Lets wiggle.....

                         

The other morning James comes up to me and says mommy my tooth hurts.. Me being the worrisome mom that I am I took into investigating why his tooth could hurt.

1st I wondered if maybe a little too many dips into his Halloween candy may have been the culprit. Then I remembered he brushes his teeth like 6 times a day. He does not like dirty teeth. How lucky are we as parents?!

2nd he's 5. My second assumption proved to be correct. I examined the tooth ever so carefully and then I gave it a little tug. And much to my surprise it moved! So now we have a wiggly tooth and are just waiting to see how long it takes for it to fall out!

P.S. See how sissy wants to be like big brother! So cute!

First experiences: Walking/Running...

We recently brought out many of the toys that Michelle did not get to enjoy. She had very little interest in anything that didn't rattle and we had to be careful of flashing lights due to her seizures. So being picky is the nice way of saying she missed out on alot.

I bought her this walker for her 1st Christmas back in 2006. My hopes had always been that she would learn to walk at a young age and prove her doctors wrong. When she showed no interest in it i neatly tucked it away. When Abigail began pulling herself to stand I knew it was time to pull out the trusty walker. James and Shawn both used one and they started walking soon after using one.

Abigail looked at it cautiously. I helped her to stand and hold on. She grasped the handle and then proceeded to RUN accross the living room. It was a moment when my heart ached as I now know my baby is getting bigger and is getting ready to walk. At the same time I am proud and EXCITED for her. It is a new milestone and I know she is going to love it!

First experience: Ice Cream

• Tonight Abigail woke up when she was supposed to be sleeping. My mom is here visiting from Arizona because my birthday is this month. Well being Grandma she went and got Abigail up. Well she had gone on an Ice Cream run. I was sitting on the couch actually working on a different post and she spotted mine. I let her try.

Fist bite was like ok thats cold. Second one was like yay I like that! Third one was her yelling at me to give her more!