A feeling of sheer terror.

It's not secret that im a pretty protective mom. I don't shelter my kids from life I help them understand it. I teach them the things that a child should know at whatever age they are. I protect them from the things that they need to be protected from. Im a parent. That's my job. It's also no secret that when it comes to Michelle's medical point of view at times there are things far beyond my control.

Today was a very scary afternoon. My day started off fantastic. My husband called and I woke up to a cute little boy sitting next to me smiling from ear to ear. So I honestly didn't believe that things would go down hill...

You see Michelle's bus arrives at our house at 3:35 on the nose. Her driver that she has had has never been late. Not once. I know school has only been in session a week but thats pretty good given where they drive from and that she is the last kiddo off the bus everyday. Anyway, I loaded Abigail and Shawn into the car infront of my house and waited patiently for the bus to arrive. By 3:45 there was still no bus and thankfully my neighbor grabbed James from school for me. 3:55 there was still no bus and I began to PANIC. Like it was cool to do so.

I had already called the transportation department at the school to find out what was going on and all I got was a message machine. I hung up and dialed them 10 more times with no answer from them. Surely they should have known where our driver was and where my daughter was. Panicing more I called the school. The secretary there got ahold of transportation only to find out they couldn't get ahold of the driver and there I sat for 10 more minuted on hold. They finally told me that she was on her way and that they had some difficulty not saying what it was and that she would be home in just a few minutes.

Finally at 4:12 I got Michelle from the bus. I didn't say more than a few words asking if my friends son was still on the bus to the driver (who was not her regular driver). I took Michelle inside and thanked GOD that she was alright. Her school gets out at 3:15 everyday. We live 3 miles from the school. She is the last stop with only 3 kids including her on the bus.

On the 26th try I finally got ahold of someone at the transportation department only to get no answer. Why on earth was my Special Needs child on a bus for an hour? Weren't the parents notified that the driver was running late? Why should I have had to rely on my neighbor to pick up my son from school? Why didn't the driver notify dispatch that he was late? And why on earth did it take them 10 MINUTES to get ahold of him!!!??? Oh and I do have all call logs showing I called them 26 times before they answered.

Im honestly a mess. She says she is fine and that she was not hurt in anyway. I should never have to ask my child if someone touched her in a way that is not right. I should have never been put in this situation. Michelle is such a loving caring person and because of her disibility can and will go with anyone she "likes". It's not safe. Transportation is the only solution for us seeing as how I have to try to be in 2 places at once. This was truely and honestly the hardest thing I think I have ever had to deal with. I couldn't find her. She wasnt where she was supposed to be. She was with someone I don't even know and no one can tell me why things were the way they were.

Rest assured that this momma bear has a mean side and is prepared to use it if I do not get an answer. I have been there done that in the past and I do not want to do it again, but this was not fair to me or my other kids. They were scared and didn't understand and still don't why that man was so late in bringing these kiddos home.

Ok im lost, someone help!

There is no amount of research that can tell me what the heck is going on with Michelle. Here are her symptoms and you tell me if you have ever seen any of these. Seriously im desperate. The doctors all probably think im crazy because she is fine when we are there but than slips right back into it within a few minutes of a "good mood" as im calling it right now.

* Extreme mood swings. Extreme like the cat and dog fight all day long and the next minute you see them snuggled together under the porch. They are horrible.

* Anxiety. You would honestly think the child was being murdered with the way she screams at times.

* Sleepy all the time (so far all CT scans show no increased pressure and her opthamolagist even checked her eyes for shunt malfunction yesterday.)

* Phantom headaches. One minute they are there and the next they are gone.

Im at a loss. My nerves are fried and im ready to rebreak my phone (Abigail tossed it into the toilet but I managed to fix it). I cannot go into the garage to throw the trash away when Michelle is awake. I either have to wait until she is at school or do it when she is sleeping. She wakes up at random times which is making for an even more confused me. She's still eating with no problems and tolerating her g-tube feeds. Neurology wont return my calls, Neurosurgery says it's not their deal, her pediatrician has referred her to the ER IDK how many times and the same thing comes from it... Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It seems to have been a complete waste of time and nobody can tell me why she is having these VERY sudden mood changes.

Another year another new day of first's

First day of 1st grade.

First day of kindergarten.

First day of year 3 in pre-school....

First day that I havent had a chance to sit down and do anything up until this point. Sheesh. Im tired. And since the kids are sleeping I think im going to join them. Bring on day 2 of school cause im gonna be ready!

hard to think of anything

Even more so when your suffering from a horrible case of insomnia and technology cutoff. Since at&t can't get it together and fix my cable/internet/phone lines I'm stuck with the ittybity screen of a blackberry. Extremely annoying. The kids are all doing great. Michelle likes to throw me for loops every now and again but she does a lot of it out of habit. She has learned how to get her way, quite frankly its annoying but extremely brilliant. I wonder if I could see inside her little mind what I would find. I have high expectations for her. The thing of it is she has already risin above and beyond the majority of them. And of course I'm smiling from ear to ear about everything. Thr kiddos are definetly ready to go back to school (as am I lol! Shh its a secret). Were still counting down the days until Shawn returns home safe and sound. Let me just tell you that day cannot come soon enough, sleeping with a bulldog is not fun. She snores and smells very very badly. Lol! Well I guess I should go off to another night filled with no sleep. Oh I guess one good thing has come from the lack of sleep, I'm down almost 3 pant sizes!!!

Words...

There are three little words that a military spouse hangs onto like you wouldn't believe...


                                                            
                                         See you soon


                                             I love you.


These words me so much... Now I can't wait until im done counting the days to say..


                                          I missed you.

Long days, long nights...

It seems to be the story of my life when I tell you that my long day turns into a long night.

For weeks I have not slept. Im not sure why that is but I just don't sleep. I want to sleep. Badly. I have gone to the doctor. They say it's insomnia (been there done that in the past). Their advice. Take a sleeping pill. Yuck!

I don't do pills. I could hardly swallow the medication they prescribed over the weekend for a HORRIBLE migrane that had me practically in bed all day long.

I do however get alot more done without the kiddos underfoot : ). Which means all the laundry is currently done, folded and put away. The bathrooms are all clean and my house smells like a hospital. I have a germ issue. It's no secret, I don't like germs.

I had to share, I went to a small city not too far from Oceanside today. I packed up the kids and went for a drive to Temecula to share my day with a great friend and her kiddos! I got an AWESOME deal on some clothes for my kids! I love The Children's Place (LOVE IT). I do a majority of my shopping there, so when I discovered that there was a sale on clothes I pretty much outfitted my kids for the beginning of the school year plus I found an awesome deal on backpacks at Old Navy! And that mall was AWESOME in itself! I think im going that way from here on out if I want to go shopping lol!

The kids are all doing great. Me and Abigail are starting to butt heads. She thinks she needs to get into EVERYTHING!! It's been over 4 years since I have done the toddler thing. Michelle never went through that stage. I wish she had but she kind of skipped over it. So of course I am way out of practice when it comes to making sure she isnt into the things I keep the most organized. Like the movies. They are organized by kids movies through our movies but they are also organized by title. So I am slightly annoyed that I have to totally redo it tomorrow but oh well.

Michelle needs to go back to the orthopedic doctor to schedule more fenol and botox injections. They worked so wonderfully last time and the fenol and botox have definetly worn off and she has become more stiff the last few weeks. We were asked to wait a few more weeks to give her more recovery time from her week long battle with her shunts and I think we may be able to go back now. I will give her doc a ring before I schedule that one. I have to say I am extremely grateful for the options that we have been given for her. I feel like everything that we do Michelle shows us such awesome progress that it is hard to not repeat what needs to be repeated!

Well I guess im going to go lay in bed and count sheep or something. Who knows. Maybe the tv will bore me to sleep!

Looking for something maybe someone can help..

I make my girls bows thanks to my awesome sister in law teaching me. I am looking for the Desert Camouflage Marine Corps uniform ribbon. I want it to look exactly like the uniform. I have seen it. I know it exists and I have gone through almost every google page there is.

Someone help!!!!!!