were tired.....

Michelle had a pretty rough night. They couldn't get her pain under control and she is still getting sick because of the anesthesia. So this morning we got the nurse to get the doc to up her dose of morphine and she is resting pretty comfortably now.

We won't be able to go home today. So maybe tomorrow. My computer so far doesn't want to let me get on blogger so my blackberry is what I have to use so updates will probably be pretty short.

200 posts: quick update

I just wanted to give a quick little update.

Michelle's surgery was a lot more complicated than expected. Both her proximal and distal catheters were blocked resulting in a complete revision. Problem was that the distal portion is stuck in scar tissue. Were not sure where the scar tissue came from but its there. So for a less traumatizing result it remains until it becomes medically necessary to remove.

She isn't in the best of moods and I wish she would handle the anesthesia a little better but not so much for right now.

Sorry this is so short but doing this on a blackberry isn't all that grand!

sitting an waiting....

This last friday I was disturbed by a phone call and my own mothers instinct and took michelle to the er.

Sure enough she has an enlarged 4th ventrical. Now I trust her neurosurgeon with everything I have. Dr. Meltzer is amazing.

We were told she really needs to poo and if that doesn't help please call or come back. And that he wanted to see her todaya in clinic.

Well on our way to clinic she got bad. And I mean bad enough I almost pulled over and called 911. So we sit in th er waiting for some sort of answer. Poor baby can't even stay awake and when she is she is trying to throw up.

*update*

Michelle is in the or now. Has been for about an hour. Her shunt malfunctioned and needs replacing. I'm glad we didn't wait and just go to clinic.

I feel

Like a huge hole has been dug into my heart.

Like I can't breathe.

Like I can't think.

I miss him.

He's my bestfriend. The one who knows me best. The one who takes my hand and always tells me it will be okay when my faith starts to slip. He understands that sometimes I need to be allowed to freak out a little bit, because hey I am human.

Walking away and getting into my car because it was so darn late was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have never had to leave him. He has always left on the bus. Today was different. Maybe thats what made it so much harder. Today I did something new... I left.

Someone is turning 5!

Oh and how excited he is to be 5 on Tuesday.

Time..

Flies..

Sometimes I wish I could just stop time and bask in the glory of the wonderful family that God has given me. I cherish each and every moment, each and everyday. Even down to the most annoying of all annoying days.

The next 7 months are going to be very trying. They will feel as though time has stopped when in all reality it will be as though my brain has. I know I will absorb everything without even knowing it and that before I know it it will be bedtime and then the morning all over again.

Without even realizing it it has gotten to the point of sheer pain within my heart knowing Shawn will be leaving soon.

My heart aches for the kids. Not being able to stop their pain and calm their individual fears about their dad. Not being able to stop my pain about being away from my bestfriend. My partner in crime.

This year he will miss Shawn Jr.'s birthday and party, our 6th anniversary, my birthday, Thanksgiving, possibly Christmas, possibly Abigail's 2nd birthday.

I ask that you please pray for the Marine's and Saliors that are due to deploy VERY soon. Please just pray for their safe return home to all of their loved ones.

Pray for strength for their families. It takes time (personal experience) for patience and strength to show.

Please

Keep Cayman and her family in your thoughts and prayers. Poor baby girl is having a rough go right now and can use any and all prayers you can give.

Click here to ready more about Cayman and her family and what you can pray for.