I apologize

About the blog or lack their of. Things have been insane around here and I wasnt feeling well for a few days so that did not help either.

Tomorrow Michelle will have her tube re-inserted so I ask that all of you please say a prayer for our sweet little girl. We have made great progress over the last year I desperately want to see that continue. If you happen to be on my Facebook I encourage you to take a look at my videos I recently posted. They truely are amazing!


****Oh yea momma bear was able to complain to her fullest benefit about our last argument with the doctor when Michelle was an inpatient las!!!******

Sitting and waiting....

We seem to be doing alot of that lately. It is extremely boring especially when we are waiting for some very important people who seem to hold all decisions as of this point. Well with my approval of course.

Tonight we sit and wait for our surgeon to come and meet with us tonight and let us know when he will be able to place Michelle's g-tube back in. Luckily we have been blessed with and amazing nurse who has been extremely patient with me and all my crazy requests!

My husband (bless his heart) is at home steam cleaning our carpets!!! Love him for it.

Our diagnosis goes like this.... Oral Aversion. She can eat but is being way too choosy about what she wants to eat and that is not ok in anyones book. Mainly mine. OT specialist was annoying today. Michelle's CP causes her to have a severe gag and whenever she has too much food in her mouth or is full she gags. Well she also has a texture issue which is normal for her. Michelle was eating oatmeal by force (she hates it) and was gagging so I offered her a napkin to spit it out and the OT said that I was enabling her to just spit out her food when she doesn't want it. Well it wasn't mainly that she didn't want it I told her she didn't like oatmeal in the first place but I wasn't willing to take a chance that she would quit breathing because she was gagging so hard.

Whatever though because they said that her g-tube has to go back in which I have been asking for for the last two weeks. So FINALLY we have something happening!!! Pray we get out of here soon because I am packing on the pounds I just lost!!!!

I dislike...

* Hospital stays.
* Rude doctors who think they know more about Michelle than me.
* Small cramped rooms.
* Feeling like I can't do enough on either ends of our family.
* Trying to figure out how to juggle 4 kids while one is in the hospital and needs both of her parents.


I was having an ok day. That was until I met a doctor who carries her degree with her instead of her bedside manner.

Many haven't met me so I am going to tell you a little something....

Please don't irritate me when I have had very little sleep, and please do not tell me the same thing the other 6 doctors told me since you decided to skip rounds and please don't look at me like im crazy when I want YOU to tell me what the heck is going on because we feel like were in the dark.

We took Michelle to the ER monday because she stopped eating. Now that the doctors have FINALLY got the story straight that Michelle will eat and CAN swallow just doesnt want to we can move on!!!!!!!

FYI that doctor that made me SOB uncontrolably for 15 minutes will not be returning to Michelle's room and rest assured a formal complaint has been made. Has anyone else ever fired a doctor??? It's my first so im like wow did I just do that!?

My heart is hurting even though the unknown has barely begun....

Almost a year ago to the month Michelle had her G-tube removed.

Then the refusal to eat came along, then the gagging at every meal. The worry came as did the anger that this was happening, again.

We have tried and tried and tried. Even getting stern did nothing. Taking away snacks did nothing. Her intrest to eat dissapeared. Now we sit and wait for the GI doc to call us back so that we may get into surgery since she is such a complicated case with her shunts that they can't just do it the way the normally do.

Her G-tube will be reinserted. Im not sure if it's sheer anger at myself that I am feeling for pushing them to take it out or sheer worry about how she will handle it this time. Since it has been a year since she last had a feeding through a tube it worries me if she will freak out everytime we hook her up.

Please pray for our sweet Michelle and that she may find understanding while she is hurting and please pray that she isnt in much pain.

It has begun

The heartache of an upcoming deployment of my husbands unit.

To think that again he will be in another country for who knows how long just makes my heart ache. I miss him now as he is gone for training for two weeks and I am counting the days until he returns (and at the same time I am ignoring the days that he has until he leaves)

Date night

Is tonight with my husband.. Im a little nervous. I left all the planning up to him. And I do mean all of it.

Im really anxious to see what we do tonight because he goes for training for the next two weeks which im majorly bummed about because we just celebrated 7 years as a couple on Thursday!!!!

Eye surgery part 1

Here we are in the beginning stages of getting there. "There" being at RCHSD waiting to check in and go to the OR with a scared little girl and a scared mommy and daddy. Today I got the call from her Opthamologist's office saying it was time for her to get scheduled. March 22nd is the day and I am praying so very hard that Shawn is able to be there with me and Michelle.

Michelle's left eye wanders and we are constantly nagging at her to fix her eye. She always closes her eye and when she opens it it is in the correct position. But it still wanders. So last year we got her into the opthamologist and he said she needed the surgery asap. We were getting ready to schedule it when her massive infection came about. So of course everything got cancelled all at once. I had hoped to get her in sooner but with life not everything is always possible.

Today marks a realization for me. It's going to happen, it needs to happen and all I can do is pray and hold her hand and pray some more. 3 years ago I never thought that I would be in the place that I am now. Praying for a surgery to go right so that we wont have to do this again. And when she wakes up that she is happy and healthy.

I took her to the beach yesterday, it was a beautiful sunny day here in SoCal. So we spent the day in the sand getting dirty (i am still cleaning up sand). She loved it. And for those 2 hours outside she got to be the little girl who didn't have school who could get filthy and mommy didn't care, who could just enjoy being 3. I long for more of those days instead of these days where my worries can start all over again.